From the first post in my First Trimester Chronicles to here, it's been a roller coaster of sickness, fatigue, emotions and sheer joy. I've always like to share my journey as is, so I thought I'd keep going with my series to allow you all to glimpse, well 1. why I've barely been blogging, and 2. what's really going on with me while I grow this little miracle. And without further adieu... part two of my First Trimester Chronicles from a tired mama. My Husband Deserves ALL The Brownie PointsMy husband has always been the doting kind. Generous, loving, strong, romantic. But these last three months? Oh man, he has carried the weight of working, taking care of home and taking exceptional care of me and our baby-t0-be on top of it all. He truly gets ALL the brownie points. And the brownies, just as soon as I feel good enough to bake them and stomach the aroma of baked goods again. "Morning" Sickness or All-Day Sickness?This has been the hardest part for me. I ADORE that I'm pregnant, starting to picture our little family and our adorable surprise bundle, and I've struggled with the guilt over the frustration of feeling so sick for almost 90 days straight. But I met some other blessed mama's-to-be who gave me some advice and some ways to extend to grace to myself and I am starting to accept the fact that I need to rest in this season. But yeah, the person that dubbed it morning sickness is a liar. A big liar. From 6 weeks to about 11 weeks it was all day long. From 11-13 weeks it hits me mostly at sundown until bedtime now, which is much more favorable than all day. So I'll take it. Grow baby grow. Staying HydratedFrom a self-professed water lover, I absolutely had no idea how hard it would be to stay hydrated. My body craves water, but water makes me want to vomit. So. It's been a challenge to say the least. I spend many moments in the day finding creative ways to get water down. Some days it has to be SUPER HOT for me to tolerate it, so Peppermint and Decaf Green Tea has been my friend. In the beginning it had to be SUPER COLD, so that was easy, i'd just refrigerate it. (I'm normally a room temp kind of girl from my days as a professional singer). And some days it has to be in soup broth or a diluted juice form or it's just not going down. When To TellThis one was easy for us when it came to immediate family, (we chose right away, since it was amazing to have their support through our loss last year) but we waited the traditional 12 weeks for everyone else this time, including our close friends. We just wanted to spend the first trimester in prayer and with me being so sick and sleeping so much it was easy to not run in to too many people. Had I seen them. I totally would have blabbed. I'm just so stinkin' excited. Paleo Had To GoThis was really hard for me. I always said when I was expecting I'd stick to my Paleo or even my #Whole30 lifestyle. Ha. For being as sick as I was for 6 weeks, I ate what I could get down. I'm still 100% gluten-free and dairy-free, but some days carbs, such as rice pasta or oatmeal, was all I or baby could stomach. I had to start listening to my body while still being conscious of my health and the health of Baby P. Now that I'm in week 13, I'm craving meat and veggies and most of my day is Paleo, but I want to stress that it's ok to listen to your bodies cues and make sure your getting the vitamins and minerals needed. My body is making a whole other person, I couldn't do that without carbs, and I dropped 8 lbs in my first trimester. I am now entering my second and have yet to gain a pound. Make sure you ask your doctor about any health, weight or food concerns you may have.
16 Comments
Even through my nauseous, exhausted haze, I'm still floating on cloud 9 that we are expecting a little bundle of joy this summer. I'm sorry posts have been few and far between since the holidays, but it's been a little rough and I've been sleeping. A lot. And trying not to feel guilty in the process. I am starting a short series through my first trimester titled the First Trimester Chronicles. Feel free to share and comment your experiences as well. I love the community of women I've already met so far that have been so supportive in all this newness of being a first time mommy. I also realized I was lying to myself when I said I'd "bear any symptoms angelically, simply for the fact we were finally blessed with a baby." While I appreciate this journey a million times more because of how long and hard the road has been, I also have to realize, that this is hard, all of this is new, and I need to be kind with myself and realize it's ok to seek advice and support and comfort in those that went before me. Because being nauseous for 90 days straight, no matter how happy you are, can make any girl break down and cry, many times. Or maybe that's just me & my raging hormones. ;) Cravings are REAL.My goodness. You hear about the stereotypical "pickles & ice cream" cravings, but I thought that all started way later in pregnancy. Thanks, movies. But by week 9 I was already full on dreaming, and day dreaming, of food that I had to have, like, NOW. And the most frustrating part... my body is craving foods I can't eat. For seven days, it would NOT let go of a cheese quesadilla from a Mexican restaurant I haven't dined at since I was 19, or a Sonic Drive-Thru Grilled Cheese Sandwich. GLUTEN. DAIRY. WHY, BABY, WHY? And let me tell you, vegan cheese and rice tortillas aren't faking anyone right now. I didn't crave this hard even through my Whole 30 challenges. Fourth-Meal Is Now A ThingI no longer find it weird, three months in, to wake up at one or two in the morning NEEDING to eat something so that I don't want to vomit. Mix that with my zombie like state of exhaustion from growing this little miracle and its a struggle between choosing to get out of bed and actually make something, or starve. Food usually wins. OK, every time it wins. Superwoman MetabolismEven with the extra carbs and middle of the night nosh sessions, I've lost eight pounds. Making babies burns calories like no other. Luckily my doctor says this is normal and come my second trimester it should all even out. ZzZzZzZzI think I've napped, since Thanksgiving, a total of 5,835 hours. Or, it's felt like it. The guilt of taking time from the blog and work hit me HARD when I learned what "pregnancy fatigue" truly felt like. How come NO ONE tells you these things? I'm here to tell you new mamas, and future mamas, if you feel like your eyes are weighted down by anvils, its totes normal. And take it from me, don't let the guilt ruin your day. Sleep in. Nap. Take a day off. Go to bed by 7pm (I do most nights). Mr. Charming has to remind me that I'm making a person over here. I can't expect to be bouncing off the walls and working all hours of the day and night like I did when I was just sustaining myself. I'm someone elses life source right now. And that's pretty darn cool. So nap on, mamas. There's a lot of Netflix out there to be enjoyed. The Most Magical MomentThrough every single moment of this roller coaster of amazingness that God has entrusted to us, seeing the heartbeat took my breath away. Shaking and nervous walking into our first ultrasound, I held Mr. Charming's hand as our baby flitted onto the screen for the first time. And there he or she was, nesting comfortably in the womb God created within me. His or her home, that I pray can be a safe haven until he or she gets to join us this summer.
But seeing that heart beat, that little fast, flickering, white glow, was the closest thing to heaven I think you can see while on Earth. And I thank you, God, for that little glimpse into our babies life, every single day. Thank you for the fatigue. Thank you for the nausea. Thank you for the hormones. Thank you for the cravings. It all means that this little one is coming first and that my body is working on making him or her it's first priority, Something that I've wished and prayed and dreamed of for so long. Until next time! With more from my First Trimester Chronicles. Share your stories below! I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. - 1 Samuel 1:27 Today was one of those days. One of those magical, beautiful, glorious days that you have only a few of in your life. Like, the day you graduate. The day you get engaged. The day you marry your best friend. And the day you see your baby's heart beating for the very... first... time. We are blessed and happy to announce, we are EXPECTING!!!!!! Our baby. Our baby we've prayed for. A baby we've waited for. Longed for. Dreamed of. And tried for. Since 2013.
God blessed us with a miracle & today marks 11 blessed weeks as I write this, and last week was our first ultrasound. Nervous and excited we got to see our little jelly bean. A miraculous, growing, living little baby. Their little hands and feet. Their little head and body. And their glorious, life giving heart beat. A strong 176. Our little Baby P. Words can't even begin to explain the joy & elation my heart is feeling. This magical day in our journey of life. A day for the books. Praise be to God for His beautiful blessings. Prayers appreciated for a healthful journey for our little gift. How far along? 12 weeks Total Weight Gain/Loss: Lost around 4 lbs. Clothing Options? Still wearing small shirts and size 3 jeans Pregnancy Symptoms? Still super nauseous. Still super tired. Sleep: Sleeping great and anytime my head can hit a pillow. Best Moment of Month THREE: SEEING OUR BABY, hearing his or her heartbeat and OFFICIALLY HITTING 12 WEEKS and announcing it to friends and family!! Biggest Fear of Month THREE: That it's still really early. And that I'll keep being this tired. Movement: None, baby is the size of a lime. Food cravings: Negative. Still don't want to eat. Aversions:: Everything. Yep. Still. Belly Button - In. Mood:: Blissed out and sleepy. Looking Forward To: This journey. It's starting to feel more real. In other news... We have some big travel planned to California next month and I'm hoping the sickness will subside so I can get through a music video shoot, work events and some Babymoon time with Mr. Charming. How far along? 8 weeks
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Lost a few pounds Clothing Options? Still wearing my regular clothes. Pregnancy Symptoms? SO sick. Nauseated 24/7. So tired I can't do anything. Sleep: All. The. Time. Best Moment of Month TWO: My best friend Jessica came to stay with us for 2 weeks during Christmas! I felt bad that I was so sick the entire time she was here. But it was nice to celebrate with her. Biggest Fear of Month TWO: That I will feel sick the entire pregnancy or won't be able to keep up with work. And that we will lose the baby. Movement: None. It's the size of a blueberry. Food cravings: I can barely drink water. Aversions:: Everything. Everything. Everything. Food. Perfume. My dogs. Belly Button - In or Out? In Mood: Happy but frusterated at being so nauseous all the time. Looking Forward To: Second trimester! In other news... Christmas was lovely. We announced to family at a big Christmas party the week before the holiday. And Christmas was just wonderful spending it with our family and best friends and celebrating this new life God had blessed us with. The BEST Christmas gift we could have ever hoped for. How far along? 4 weeks Total Weight Gain/Loss: No change Clothing Options? Still wearing my regular clothes. Pregnancy Symptoms? Suspected I was pregnant when I almost passed out in yoga and the weekend after Thanksgiving - we were grocery shopping and I felt super nauseous in the grocery store. Sleep: Sleeping great. Best Moment of Month ONE: FINDING OUT WE WERE PREGNANT! Mr. Charming actually read the test as I was sure it was another negative and I dropped to the floor crying. We called our moms immediately. Biggest Fear of Month ONE: That we would lose this baby too. Movement: None. It's the size of a poppyseed. Food cravings: None, I feel really sick. Aversions:: Everything. Especially meat. Belly Button - In or Out? In Mood:: So happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looking Forward To: Having a baby! In other news... I graduated as a Nutritionist the month before we found out I was pregnant. Being SO sick my first trimester, plans to launch my business got slightly pushed back, but SO worth it. While both are life goals, starting a family is something we've been working for and praying for for three years now. "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Our family recently took a trip to California to visit Disneyland this month. Normally a magical, wonderful & happy place, I can tell you from experience that there is no where else on earth that will remind you how much you want to be a parent than in that park. And while I had a lot of fun celebrating with our sisters, nieces and nephews, and being in Disney with Mr. Charming is always magical, there were definite moments when I felt I couldn't quite catch my breath as a chubby little baby squealed with glee over seeing Mickey for the first time, or a mom pushed a stroller by filled with bags of perfect, tiny little Disney onesies and stuffed animals. Today is a little harder for me than I thought it would be. I've been blessed to know God's amazing peace in this journey, but as I am still human, some days get the best of me. It's hard to know so many mama's are hurting, not just today but through their journey. And I want to hug them, squeeze them like I sometimes need to be squeezed and let them know it's OK. That God's got us, and our lost littles and our hopeful future littles all in His plan. That His timing is perfect. And that He knows far more than we do. But I know sometimes it still hurts. It hurts in remembering due dates, and birthdays. It hurts knowing it's been almost a year since the anniversary of our loss. It hurts thinking back to the doctor, our friends, heck, even us, thinking that it would only take a couple of months and we'd be pregnant again. We weren't. We aren't. But we are hopeful. In honor of Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day today, I want to take a moment for our little one we lost last December. For those of you who are new to Nosh & Nurture, Mr. Charming and I have been trying to start our family since September 2013. We tried for nearly one year before visiting the doctor and after tests found out I have a late luteal phase, causing me to ovulate a week later than most and I have very low hormone levels due to (??!!??!!) (we are undergoing most testing soon). But back in November 2014, once adopting the Whole 30 diet for a month, we found out we were pregnant. It was some of the warmest, joyous days I'd ever felt. Knowing my body was working for our family. Receiving God's blessing. I knew the high chance of miscarriage before week 12, but since I'd been trying so hard for so long to feel this feeling, I wanted to enjoy every second of that pregnancy. For however long God allowed it to last. We told close family only, but we soaked up those moments. Pinning baby things. Perusing the baby stores. Talking about plans. I had to do that. I needed to do that.
Our next step was picking up the phone to schedule more tests. And I have an appointment next month. More decisions. More waiting. And most importantly, more praying. For prayer is the most important part of all. He's writing our story, have faith, His plans are greater.
Prayers appreciated, and I will be praying for all of you who are also waiting. Love you all you mama's and dad's. So, this is a raw and vulnerable subject for me. I've never blogged about this part of my life, and I don't talk about it much. Society puts so much on us to be successful by a certain age. Marry by a certain age and have children by a certain age. Since the age of 16 I've been living out my dreams career wise, found and married my best friend before I was thirty. So, I didn't think there would be so much pressure to procreate. But alas, it does come from all angles. I guess the reason why I've decided to put it out there is because I want those who get to know me, to know all of me. I want to help people on my health journey and a big part of that is the hormonal issues and anxiety issues that have kept me from diving full on into the adventure that is starting a family. Maybe in the process I can even connect to moms who have been through some of this. When I started seeing my Naturopath a couple years ago, I was a brand-spanking-new-newlywed and travel and getting healthy were on my mind. I brought up the fact that we wanted a family, but she said that with all of my gut imbalance issues I would need to work on repairing and cleansing for at least a year before that would be a possibility, So a year went by, and now almost two, I started to see vast improvments through my diet over the course of these last two years but I recently came to find out that my hormones are kind of out of whack. Oh, joy. YAY. I visited with an OBGYN who specializies in Ostepathic health and she wanted to have me test my ovulation cycles each month to make sure everything was working properly. And the good news was this little face that I've seen repeatedly pop up showing that I'm "peaking" for ovulation... I started homeopathic hormone tinctures recently, and move on to actual hormone support this month. Hoping that God is leading us on a journey to having a little family of our own... in the mean time I will stay faithful in prayer, and take care of this one body He's blessed me with until a little can call it home. Next stop: overcoming fear of actually birthing said human. Any moms out there who dealt with birth anxiety or hormone issues, I'd love to hear your inspiring stories. :)
|
archives
August 2021
tags
All
|