So if you've read Part One and Part Two of Grey's birth story you would have read that I was in labor for 26 hours and pushed for 4 hours. We had a completely medication, intervention free natural labor and birth that was not without it's complications.
Within moments of Grey being born I started losing a lot of blood. My uterus had worked so hard, too hard, and I had to be administered many medications to get my bleeding under control. I was also in a great deal of pain, having also torn in multiple places, and skin to skin wasn't what I had always imagined it to be. I had to ask Mr. Charming to take him from my chest. 26 hours of natural labor to feel connected, euphoric, and that endorphin rush was elusive.
I felt robbed of that moment, and it took me a long time to accept what had happened. What had gone wrong. I wanted to feel empowered, strong, and I know now that I am. But it messed with my mind a lot, that had I done that, birthed him naturally in the exact way that I did, anywhere but in a hospital, I probably would have died.
And that shook me to my core.
In the days following his birth I had to have a double blood transfusion because of the blood loss and I will be honest and say fear totally stepped in at that point. But with MUCH prayer, an AMAZING nursing staff, a competent doctor and my beautiful husband and baby to distract me, I got through it. Praise Jesus yet again. And again and again. And in everything, always.
Following the traumatic experience I endured, our little one became severely jaundiced and had to be put under lights for 18 hours. They brought him to me to nurse every three hours though, so I got my cuddles in and Mr. Charming walked to check on him often. While he was in the nursery the hospital treated the hubs and I to a filet mignon dinner with sparkling cider to celebrate and we stayed up well into the night talking and having our last date night before we'd go home as a family of three!
We stayed in the hospital an extra day to watch both mine and Grey's recovery and then we got to pack up to take our babes home!
He is a dream. Our son, our moon and our stars and we now see why God's timing is perfect. If it wasn't at this time, it wouldn't be Grey, and we can't picture our little one being anyone but him. Our mini Mr. Charming. Our little love. Our rainbow.
For information on our doula and her company, visit: http://lovebugdoula.com/
I usually don't quote other people's work often in this space, however, as a new mom I've been hearing so much advice from friends, family, doctors and Google on how to take care of this new little nugget of mine.
And while most of the advice is solicited (seriously, I'm calling everyone about everything and settling in with my new mom tribe to know I am not alone in this journey of new motherhood) some of it is not. And while I know it's coming from the very best place, it makes it hard to know what's right, what's wrong and what is just one persons experience or opinion.
Then I came across this entry below from a book published in 2002 and it spoke to me. Like "I could have written this myself!" kind of speaking to me. It was as if I wrote it based on how I feel about being a "pacifier" to my newborn son and I couldn't have written it better, so I decided to include it below. This is a topic that most women, both mothers and non-mothers have given their opinions on.
The Human Pacifier
Credit: Lu Hanessian
From NEW BEGINNINGS, Vol. 19 No. 1, January-February 2002, p. 14
I'm sitting in the rocker with my son in the blue light of dawn. We've been at this a few weeks now, getting to know each other after nine months of anticipation. I am searching for feedback; a sign that I'm doing right by him, getting closer to figuring out what ails him when he seems so inconsolable.
I would love to hear your feedback. New mamas - when our babes feel safest with us, there is nothing wrong in giving them security, love and the closeness that can only be achieved by allowing them to soothe themselves on us.
I am completely devoted to being that person for my precious son, especially during this "fourth trimester". My son who arrived into a big, scary world that he has yet to know how to navigate. I am all he knows, I am home to him. And I pray that through his life, I will always be home to him. That in my presence he would feel safe, secure and oh so very loved.