Even through my nauseous, exhausted haze, I'm still floating on cloud 9 that we are expecting a little bundle of joy this summer. I'm sorry posts have been few and far between since the holidays, but it's been a little rough and I've been sleeping. A lot. And trying not to feel guilty in the process. I am starting a short series through my first trimester titled the First Trimester Chronicles. Feel free to share and comment your experiences as well. I love the community of women I've already met so far that have been so supportive in all this newness of being a first time mommy.
I also realized I was lying to myself when I said I'd "bear any symptoms angelically, simply for the fact we were finally blessed with a baby." While I appreciate this journey a million times more because of how long and hard the road has been, I also have to realize, that this is hard, all of this is new, and I need to be kind with myself and realize it's ok to seek advice and support and comfort in those that went before me. Because being nauseous for 90 days straight, no matter how happy you are, can make any girl break down and cry, many times. Or maybe that's just me & my raging hormones. ;)
Cravings are REAL.
My goodness. You hear about the stereotypical "pickles & ice cream" cravings, but I thought that all started way later in pregnancy. Thanks, movies. But by week 9 I was already full on dreaming, and day dreaming, of food that I had to have, like, NOW. And the most frustrating part... my body is craving foods I can't eat. For seven days, it would NOT let go of a cheese quesadilla from a Mexican restaurant I haven't dined at since I was 19, or a Sonic Drive-Thru Grilled Cheese Sandwich. GLUTEN. DAIRY. WHY, BABY, WHY? And let me tell you, vegan cheese and rice tortillas aren't faking anyone right now. I didn't crave this hard even through my Whole 30 challenges.
Fourth-Meal Is Now A Thing
I no longer find it weird, three months in, to wake up at one or two in the morning NEEDING to eat something so that I don't want to vomit. Mix that with my zombie like state of exhaustion from growing this little miracle and its a struggle between choosing to get out of bed and actually make something, or starve. Food usually wins. OK, every time it wins.
Even with the extra carbs and middle of the night nosh sessions, I've lost eight pounds. Making babies burns calories like no other. Luckily my doctor says this is normal and come my second trimester it should all even out.
I think I've napped, since Thanksgiving, a total of 5,835 hours. Or, it's felt like it. The guilt of taking time from the blog and work hit me HARD when I learned what "pregnancy fatigue" truly felt like. How come NO ONE tells you these things? I'm here to tell you new mamas, and future mamas, if you feel like your eyes are weighted down by anvils, its totes normal. And take it from me, don't let the guilt ruin your day. Sleep in. Nap. Take a day off. Go to bed by 7pm (I do most nights). Mr. Charming has to remind me that I'm making a person over here. I can't expect to be bouncing off the walls and working all hours of the day and night like I did when I was just sustaining myself. I'm someone elses life source right now. And that's pretty darn cool. So nap on, mamas. There's a lot of Netflix out there to be enjoyed.
The Most Magical Moment
Through every single moment of this roller coaster of amazingness that God has entrusted to us, seeing the heartbeat took my breath away. Shaking and nervous walking into our first ultrasound, I held Mr. Charming's hand as our baby flitted onto the screen for the first time. And there he or she was, nesting comfortably in the womb God created within me. His or her home, that I pray can be a safe haven until he or she gets to join us this summer.
But seeing that heart beat, that little fast, flickering, white glow, was the closest thing to heaven I think you can see while on Earth.
And I thank you, God, for that little glimpse into our babies life, every single day. Thank you for the fatigue. Thank you for the nausea. Thank you for the hormones. Thank you for the cravings. It all means that this little one is coming first and that my body is working on making him or her it's first priority,
Something that I've wished and prayed and dreamed of for so long.
Until next time! With more from my First Trimester Chronicles. Share your stories below!
I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. - 1 Samuel 1:27
Today was one of those days. One of those magical, beautiful, glorious days that you have only a few of in your life.
Like, the day you graduate. The day you get engaged. The day you marry your best friend.
And the day you see your baby's heart beating for the very... first... time. We are blessed and happy to announce, we are EXPECTING!!!!!!
Our baby. Our baby we've prayed for. A baby we've waited for. Longed for. Dreamed of. And tried for. Since 2013.
God blessed us with a miracle & today marks 11 blessed weeks as I write this, and last week was our first ultrasound. Nervous and excited we got to see our little jelly bean. A miraculous, growing, living little baby. Their little hands and feet. Their little head and body. And their glorious, life giving heart beat. A strong 176. Our little Baby P.
Words can't even begin to explain the joy & elation my heart is feeling. This magical day in our journey of life. A day for the books.
Praise be to God for His beautiful blessings. Prayers appreciated for a healthful journey for our little gift.
How far along? 12 weeks
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Lost around 4 lbs.
Clothing Options? Still wearing small shirts and size 3 jeans
Pregnancy Symptoms? Still super nauseous. Still super tired.
Sleep: Sleeping great and anytime my head can hit a pillow.
Best Moment of Month THREE: SEEING OUR BABY, hearing his or her heartbeat and OFFICIALLY HITTING 12 WEEKS and announcing it to friends and family!!
Biggest Fear of Month THREE: That it's still really early. And that I'll keep being this tired.
Movement: None, baby is the size of a lime.
Food cravings: Negative. Still don't want to eat.
Aversions:: Everything. Yep. Still.
Belly Button - In.
Mood:: Blissed out and sleepy.
Looking Forward To: This journey. It's starting to feel more real.
In other news... We have some big travel planned to California next month and I'm hoping the sickness will subside so I can get through a music video shoot, work events and some Babymoon time with Mr. Charming.