"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Our family recently took a trip to California to visit Disneyland this month. Normally a magical, wonderful & happy place, I can tell you from experience that there is no where else on earth that will remind you how much you want to be a parent than in that park. And while I had a lot of fun celebrating with our sisters, nieces and nephews, and being in Disney with Mr. Charming is always magical, there were definite moments when I felt I couldn't quite catch my breath as a chubby little baby squealed with glee over seeing Mickey for the first time, or a mom pushed a stroller by filled with bags of perfect, tiny little Disney onesies and stuffed animals.
Today is a little harder for me than I thought it would be. I've been blessed to know God's amazing peace in this journey, but as I am still human, some days get the best of me.
It's hard to know so many mama's are hurting, not just today but through their journey. And I want to hug them, squeeze them like I sometimes need to be squeezed and let them know it's OK. That God's got us, and our lost littles and our hopeful future littles all in His plan. That His timing is perfect. And that He knows far more than we do. But I know sometimes it still hurts. It hurts in remembering due dates, and birthdays. It hurts knowing it's been almost a year since the anniversary of our loss. It hurts thinking back to the doctor, our friends, heck, even us, thinking that it would only take a couple of months and we'd be pregnant again.
We weren't. We aren't. But we are hopeful.
In honor of Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day today, I want to take a moment for our little one we lost last December. For those of you who are new to Nosh & Nurture, Mr. Charming and I have been trying to start our family since September 2013. We tried for nearly one year before visiting the doctor and after tests found out I have a late luteal phase, causing me to ovulate a week later than most and I have very low hormone levels due to (??!!??!!) (we are undergoing most testing soon). But back in November 2014, once adopting the Whole 30 diet for a month, we found out we were pregnant. It was some of the warmest, joyous days I'd ever felt. Knowing my body was working for our family. Receiving God's blessing. I knew the high chance of miscarriage before week 12, but since I'd been trying so hard for so long to feel this feeling, I wanted to enjoy every second of that pregnancy. For however long God allowed it to last. We told close family only, but we soaked up those moments. Pinning baby things. Perusing the baby stores. Talking about plans. I had to do that. I needed to do that.
Our next step was picking up the phone to schedule more tests. And I have an appointment next month. More decisions. More waiting. And most importantly, more praying. For prayer is the most important part of all. He's writing our story, have faith, His plans are greater.
Prayers appreciated, and I will be praying for all of you who are also waiting. Love you all you mama's and dad's.