From the first post in my First Trimester Chronicles to here, it's been a roller coaster of sickness, fatigue, emotions and sheer joy. I've always like to share my journey as is, so I thought I'd keep going with my series to allow you all to glimpse, well 1. why I've barely been blogging, and 2. what's really going on with me while I grow this little miracle.
And without further adieu... part two of my First Trimester Chronicles from a tired mama.
My Husband Deserves ALL The Brownie Points
My husband has always been the doting kind. Generous, loving, strong, romantic. But these last three months? Oh man, he has carried the weight of working, taking care of home and taking exceptional care of me and our baby-t0-be on top of it all. He truly gets ALL the brownie points. And the brownies, just as soon as I feel good enough to bake them and stomach the aroma of baked goods again.
"Morning" Sickness or All-Day Sickness?
This has been the hardest part for me. I ADORE that I'm pregnant, starting to picture our little family and our adorable surprise bundle, and I've struggled with the guilt over the frustration of feeling so sick for almost 90 days straight. But I met some other blessed mama's-to-be who gave me some advice and some ways to extend to grace to myself and I am starting to accept the fact that I need to rest in this season. But yeah, the person that dubbed it morning sickness is a liar. A big liar. From 6 weeks to about 11 weeks it was all day long. From 11-13 weeks it hits me mostly at sundown until bedtime now, which is much more favorable than all day. So I'll take it. Grow baby grow.
From a self-professed water lover, I absolutely had no idea how hard it would be to stay hydrated. My body craves water, but water makes me want to vomit. So. It's been a challenge to say the least. I spend many moments in the day finding creative ways to get water down. Some days it has to be SUPER HOT for me to tolerate it, so Peppermint and Decaf Green Tea has been my friend. In the beginning it had to be SUPER COLD, so that was easy, i'd just refrigerate it. (I'm normally a room temp kind of girl from my days as a professional singer). And some days it has to be in soup broth or a diluted juice form or it's just not going down.
When To Tell
This one was easy for us when it came to immediate family, (we chose right away, since it was amazing to have their support through our loss last year) but we waited the traditional 12 weeks for everyone else this time, including our close friends. We just wanted to spend the first trimester in prayer and with me being so sick and sleeping so much it was easy to not run in to too many people. Had I seen them. I totally would have blabbed. I'm just so stinkin' excited.
Paleo Had To Go
This was really hard for me. I always said when I was expecting I'd stick to my Paleo or even my #Whole30 lifestyle. Ha. For being as sick as I was for 6 weeks, I ate what I could get down. I'm still 100% gluten-free and dairy-free, but some days carbs, such as rice pasta or oatmeal, was all I or baby could stomach. I had to start listening to my body while still being conscious of my health and the health of Baby P. Now that I'm in week 13, I'm craving meat and veggies and most of my day is Paleo, but I want to stress that it's ok to listen to your bodies cues and make sure your getting the vitamins and minerals needed. My body is making a whole other person, I couldn't do that without carbs, and I dropped 8 lbs in my first trimester. I am now entering my second and have yet to gain a pound. Make sure you ask your doctor about any health, weight or food concerns you may have.
Even through my nauseous, exhausted haze, I'm still floating on cloud 9 that we are expecting a little bundle of joy this summer. I'm sorry posts have been few and far between since the holidays, but it's been a little rough and I've been sleeping. A lot. And trying not to feel guilty in the process. I am starting a short series through my first trimester titled the First Trimester Chronicles. Feel free to share and comment your experiences as well. I love the community of women I've already met so far that have been so supportive in all this newness of being a first time mommy.
I also realized I was lying to myself when I said I'd "bear any symptoms angelically, simply for the fact we were finally blessed with a baby." While I appreciate this journey a million times more because of how long and hard the road has been, I also have to realize, that this is hard, all of this is new, and I need to be kind with myself and realize it's ok to seek advice and support and comfort in those that went before me. Because being nauseous for 90 days straight, no matter how happy you are, can make any girl break down and cry, many times. Or maybe that's just me & my raging hormones. ;)
Cravings are REAL.
My goodness. You hear about the stereotypical "pickles & ice cream" cravings, but I thought that all started way later in pregnancy. Thanks, movies. But by week 9 I was already full on dreaming, and day dreaming, of food that I had to have, like, NOW. And the most frustrating part... my body is craving foods I can't eat. For seven days, it would NOT let go of a cheese quesadilla from a Mexican restaurant I haven't dined at since I was 19, or a Sonic Drive-Thru Grilled Cheese Sandwich. GLUTEN. DAIRY. WHY, BABY, WHY? And let me tell you, vegan cheese and rice tortillas aren't faking anyone right now. I didn't crave this hard even through my Whole 30 challenges.
Fourth-Meal Is Now A Thing
I no longer find it weird, three months in, to wake up at one or two in the morning NEEDING to eat something so that I don't want to vomit. Mix that with my zombie like state of exhaustion from growing this little miracle and its a struggle between choosing to get out of bed and actually make something, or starve. Food usually wins. OK, every time it wins.
Even with the extra carbs and middle of the night nosh sessions, I've lost eight pounds. Making babies burns calories like no other. Luckily my doctor says this is normal and come my second trimester it should all even out.
I think I've napped, since Thanksgiving, a total of 5,835 hours. Or, it's felt like it. The guilt of taking time from the blog and work hit me HARD when I learned what "pregnancy fatigue" truly felt like. How come NO ONE tells you these things? I'm here to tell you new mamas, and future mamas, if you feel like your eyes are weighted down by anvils, its totes normal. And take it from me, don't let the guilt ruin your day. Sleep in. Nap. Take a day off. Go to bed by 7pm (I do most nights). Mr. Charming has to remind me that I'm making a person over here. I can't expect to be bouncing off the walls and working all hours of the day and night like I did when I was just sustaining myself. I'm someone elses life source right now. And that's pretty darn cool. So nap on, mamas. There's a lot of Netflix out there to be enjoyed.
The Most Magical Moment
Through every single moment of this roller coaster of amazingness that God has entrusted to us, seeing the heartbeat took my breath away. Shaking and nervous walking into our first ultrasound, I held Mr. Charming's hand as our baby flitted onto the screen for the first time. And there he or she was, nesting comfortably in the womb God created within me. His or her home, that I pray can be a safe haven until he or she gets to join us this summer.
But seeing that heart beat, that little fast, flickering, white glow, was the closest thing to heaven I think you can see while on Earth.
And I thank you, God, for that little glimpse into our babies life, every single day. Thank you for the fatigue. Thank you for the nausea. Thank you for the hormones. Thank you for the cravings. It all means that this little one is coming first and that my body is working on making him or her it's first priority,
Something that I've wished and prayed and dreamed of for so long.
Until next time! With more from my First Trimester Chronicles. Share your stories below!
How far along? 12 weeks
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Lost around 4 lbs.
Clothing Options? Still wearing small shirts and size 3 jeans
Pregnancy Symptoms? Still super nauseous. Still super tired.
Sleep: Sleeping great and anytime my head can hit a pillow.
Best Moment of Month THREE: SEEING OUR BABY, hearing his or her heartbeat and OFFICIALLY HITTING 12 WEEKS and announcing it to friends and family!!
Biggest Fear of Month THREE: That it's still really early. And that I'll keep being this tired.
Movement: None, baby is the size of a lime.
Food cravings: Negative. Still don't want to eat.
Aversions:: Everything. Yep. Still.
Belly Button - In.
Mood:: Blissed out and sleepy.
Looking Forward To: This journey. It's starting to feel more real.
In other news... We have some big travel planned to California next month and I'm hoping the sickness will subside so I can get through a music video shoot, work events and some Babymoon time with Mr. Charming.
How far along? 8 weeks
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Lost a few pounds
Clothing Options? Still wearing my regular clothes.
Pregnancy Symptoms? SO sick. Nauseated 24/7. So tired I can't do anything.
Sleep: All. The. Time.
Best Moment of Month TWO: My best friend Jessica came to stay with us for 2 weeks during Christmas! I felt bad that I was so sick the entire time she was here. But it was nice to celebrate with her.
Biggest Fear of Month TWO: That I will feel sick the entire pregnancy or won't be able to keep up with work. And that we will lose the baby.
Movement: None. It's the size of a blueberry.
Food cravings: I can barely drink water.
Aversions:: Everything. Everything. Everything. Food. Perfume. My dogs.
Belly Button - In or Out? In
Mood: Happy but frusterated at being so nauseous all the time.
Looking Forward To: Second trimester!
In other news... Christmas was lovely. We announced to family at a big Christmas party the week before the holiday. And Christmas was just wonderful spending it with our family and best friends and celebrating this new life God had blessed us with. The BEST Christmas gift we could have ever hoped for.
How far along? 4 weeks
Total Weight Gain/Loss: No change
Clothing Options? Still wearing my regular clothes.
Pregnancy Symptoms? Suspected I was pregnant when I almost passed out in yoga and the weekend after Thanksgiving - we were grocery shopping and I felt super nauseous in the grocery store.
Sleep: Sleeping great.
Best Moment of Month ONE: FINDING OUT WE WERE PREGNANT! Mr. Charming actually read the test as I was sure it was another negative and I dropped to the floor crying. We called our moms immediately.
Biggest Fear of Month ONE: That we would lose this baby too.
Movement: None. It's the size of a poppyseed.
Food cravings: None, I feel really sick.
Aversions:: Everything. Especially meat.
Belly Button - In or Out? In
Mood:: So happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Looking Forward To: Having a baby!
In other news... I graduated as a Nutritionist the month before we found out I was pregnant. Being SO sick my first trimester, plans to launch my business got slightly pushed back, but SO worth it. While both are life goals, starting a family is something we've been working for and praying for for three years now.