Continued from Part One...
Once in a delivery room we continued in our pattern set by our doula. Three contractions on the ball, three in the bed, three standing (those sucked the most), three on the toilet and walk around, repeat. My room had a shower though and I will tell you, when my labor progressed to 8, 9 centimeters that shower was a GOD SEND. Hot water felt SO good.
I must take a moment to speak about my labor in general. I grew up an anxious person. I grew up fearing the day I'd have to give birth. Before marrying Mr. Charming I actually had decided I wouldn't birth children. That the pain looked to great for "someone like me" and I'd just adopt. Then I married my other half. And I wanted, more than anything, to see the beautiful babies we could make together and God put it in our hearts to make a baby together. And while we were on the long journey to finally meeting our rainbow baby, I prayed. I prayed that God would be with me EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. That he would hold me fiercly and tightly and not let go. That I could know His peace in birth the way I knew His peace during our first loss and He didn't let me down. Because He is God.
I had affirmations and Bible verses play on a screen during my entire labor, Christian songs I had downloaded that speak of strength, purpose in pain, God's love and of motherhood played in the hospital room, our doula and Mr. Charming spoke love and affirmations to me the entire time and my sister recited bible verses over me in labor. It was pure beauty and I can say, with all the gratefulness in my heart, that I felt God's immense peace THE ENTIRE TIME. From the moment I felt my first contraction until I was holding our son in my arms, I wasn't anxious once. I never felt an ounce of fear. I never felt I couldn't do it.
Was it painful? The most painful thing I've ever endured.
Was it hard? Yes. Really hard.
I said a couple of times "Guys, not sure I'm still cool with this" haha, I even did joke a couple of times. Maybe not toward the very end, haha. But yes, of course it was hard and intense and I wasn't sure I'd want to do it again in those moments. But He got me through it. Using my amazing birth team and being in that room with us the entire time, He showed me a strength I never knew could come from within me. And it was because I called upon HIS strength and not my own, to birth my son into this world. And, it was just beautiful.
Fast forward HOURS. I stayed between 7 and 8 centimeters from 3pm until 1am on August 5th. Yep, guys. That was not awesome. But I didn't want intervention and baby's heart rate was PERFECT the entire time (praise Jesus!) so there wasn't a medical need for anything else to move us forward but time itself and so we kept working hard.
At around 12 we came to the conclusion, along with my amazing nurse and doctor, that the baby was stuck on my pelvic bone (not a shock to me with how messed up I've been down there from an old dance injury) and that it would take a lot of work for me to birth him naturally at this point.
I was determined. I was determined not to have drugs. I was determined not to have surgery. For him. For myself too. But mostly for him.
at 1 AM I had reached almost ten centimeters and at 2:27 I was able to start pushing! What I thought was the short light at the end of the tunnel ended up being another lengthy part of the process and it took me four hours to push little man out into the world.
At 5 am, and beyond exhausted, I wanted to be done. My doctor actually had a flight to catch and said we could administer Pitocin as my contractions had slowed and become weaker due to my uterus being so worn out. I knew I DIDN'T want drugs and in my exhausted haze I actually told her I'd rather have an episiotomy and the use of the vacuum. My doula and husband suggested of those two options to take the Pitocin. Seeing this exchange my doctor stepped out of the room and cancelled her flight (which I didn't know until much later, she is an angel) and said we were going to do this the natural way. No drugs, no cutting, just hard work.
So I pushed. And pushed. And pushed. And at 6:13 our baby Grey was born. Mr. Charming looked at him and cried and I fell deeper in love with my husband in that moment. A big beautiful love. Beyond anything I could have fathomed.
And then I held him. Our little miracle. Our wonder of wonders and I just couldn't believe the beauty I saw in him.
Unfortunately, due to what my body had to endure, complications arose immediately following his birth, read Part Three to understand why it's taken me many months to finally write our story.
And of course to see many more photos of this cutie.