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If I Told You My Story...

9/14/2015

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As God was the one who led me to all of this, my journey, my health, this blog, I shouldn't be surprised when he whispers topics and post ideas to my heart. The gritty ones. The ones that swim in my soul, that are hard to write, and make me type through blurry eyes as tears threaten to stream down my cheek. 

I've seen amazing doors open for this brand & blog - blessings that I know come from my Father in Heaven. My true provider and guide and I want to honor Him and stay true to the gifts He's given me by giving all the glory to Him through any success that may come our way. 

There is a song I've fallen in love with, O.K. there are many songs I'm in love with, it's in my DNA, but there is one in particular as of late called "My Story" by Big Daddy Weave. Every time this song plays I hear that whisper deep inside, nudging me to keep telling mine. As my audience grew, I got scared. Scared to be too vulnerable. Share too much. But Jesus urges us to lay it out there. So, as uncomfortable as it may be, we must own our stories. 
If I told you my story, you would hear hope, that wouldn't let go
2011. Feels so far away yet feels like just yesterday. I had dabbled with LiveJournal journals for many years, pouring all of me out onto the screen. And maybe 10 people read it. But that's not what mattered. It was my therapy, an outpouring of emotional baggage that bound me up and the release felt liberating. When I started feeling sick and depressed and in pain in 2011, I started writing again, to deal with it. I lost many friends in that space of time in my life. I couldn't tell them what was going on. I was ashamed. I was terrified of being terrified in my own body. Writing is where I felt safe. What began as a blog titled "Me and Mr. Charming" was a journal of me trying to deal with the fear, the frustration and the uncertainty of my many new diagnoses. A mix of incorrect, "incurable" and new. 

After taking myself off gluten and dairy after reading many books on things I was dealing with I started to see healing and as I began to write and spend more time in the kitchen this little space began to morph into a food blog. At the time still unaware of what a "blog" even was. I was a writer, and this was my space. Sharing recipes and support for those who were as scared as I was in a vast internet world. That's what felt natural. 

This song hits home because where I really began to find healing, soul-deep, true healing was in hope. God's great hope. As anxiety took hold of me so many nights I fell to my knees and I just prayed. I knew I couldn't do anything for me anymore, alone, without my Lord and Savior. I had been baptized shortly after feeling this way and I knew He was my only chance. He was what could save me, heal me and give me a future and purpose from all I was going through. 
If I told you my story, you would hear love that never gave up
So many times I prayed to be "normal". I prayed for God to take away my anxiety. My fears. My immune issues that made me catch EVERYTHING I was around. The pain in my pelvis & bladder. The hopelessness that I wouldn't be able to be the wife I wanted to be. The future mom I longed to be. That I still long to be. 

I felt He was quiet for so long, until He wasn't. He held me in His arms. He walked with me when I'd go on slow, relaxing walks to clear my mind. He was with me in the fitness room as I obediently worked through my pelvic exercises. He was with me when I was scared to eat my meals and lost 15 pounds I didn't really have to lose. He was with me when I sobbed long, hard sobs in church as I felt Him begin to cleanse me. Body, mind, soul. He was there. Loving me. Loving on me when I felt like I was losing my worthiness to those in my life. His love NEVER gives up. And had I not clung to Him, I would be so lost. His love allowed me not to give up. To pray, to find strength in what was going on. To never stop looking for answers. To never stop listening to His still small voice. And to be obedient to the ways in which He could heal me. 
If I told you my story, you would hear life, but it wasn't mine
As the blog started to grow, old passions fell away. And my passion and love for health through what God has given us began to grow with a rapid fire I hadn't felt in years. Maybe ever. Going back to school and pouring my heart into this was so clear and doors have opened that can only be explained by a loving God blessing a child. I want to live authentically in this space. I want this blog/brand to stand for what this journey has truly meant for me. For me, for my life, for my marriage. I want to love on those who are scared. Scared of food, scared of disease, scared of pain and just hug them, speak life and Jesus into them and let them know they have a friend, a sister in Christ. 

I want His message to speak volumes from here. If it doesn't then I haven't done my job as a servant to the One who has given me an abundant life and a beautiful purpose. Is it always easy? No. Is it a painless journey? Nothing worth it ever is. But through the storms is it joyful, and fulfilling, beautiful and wonderful? Absolutely. Because I know from whom it comes. And even more beautiful? This gift is available to ANYONE who asks to receive it. It's that simple. No matter what you're carrying. No matter what you've done, there is cleansing in His name. You only need to speak it. 

This is my story. Praising Him for every moment. Every breath. Every opportunity. Every ounce of love, grace and mercy.

If you are struggling with food restrictions, with anxiety or with illnesses that are still being researched, know that God is holding you. Take a deep breath and fall into His arms. And though I don't hold a candle to our Father, I'm always here to be a friend, a listener, a sister in Christ to make the road a little less lonely. 
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international day of happiness

3/20/2015

22 Comments

 
Today is the International Day Of Happiness and it has me reflecting on my own personal journey with what "happiness" is to me. As someone who always strived for "perfection", I use to shortchange myself on the happiness meter. I was of the mind-set, "when I have all my ducks in a row, I can be happy." When I get that vacation... I'll be happy. When I produce my next album... I'll be happy. When I finally meet the right guy... I'll be happy. When I can remodel my place... I'll be happy. 

This is toxic. And it starves you of true, real, pure, joy.

I didn't learn about true joy, the kind of joy that comes from being content in the NOW until I was 30 years old. It was a process I began to work on at about 25, but it took the inspiration of Mr. Charming and my deep connection by being saved by Christ that I truly began to understand about CONTENTMENT over HAPPINESS. And JOY over PERFECTION. 
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So much can be gained from smiling in the moment. When the house is a wreck, or the paychecks a little short, or my patience is wearing thin on my journey to being a mother or finishing my next round of school., I learned that if I don't smile for the blessings I've ALREADY been given, I'm not appreciating my GOOD. I'm shutting out my good, my happiness, waiting for something that may or may not happen. And I learned that that's not living at all. 

Aside from the thieves of happiness that include resentment, dependency on anyone else but God for our joy and perfectionism, another big one is self-doubt. I love what Mind Body Green had to say about self-doubt as it pertains to happiness... 
If you don’t think you can do it, you won’t. Whatever limits you perceive are the ones you’ve placed on yourself. Consciously or unconsciously, it’s a choice.
This is such a big one. Especially for someone like me who strives daily to recover from anxiety. I noticed too, when I'm around negative people, they can zap our happiness, feeding into our self-doubt. Below I've made a list of ten ways to infuse joy into today, and into your everyday. Feel free to share, like & comment on how to you infuse happiness into your everyday. 
  • Pray
    My number one. On days I get caught up in my "busy" and don't connect with the source of my joy, I can get frustrated when I don't feel content. Making time, sometimes even just a moment to speak His name, can ground me and make me feel happier. 
  • Play
    I learned a lot about the importance of playing this past year. And oddly enough, incorporating play into my life, like we did when were kids, has helped my anxiety more times than certain therapy tactics. Get outside, in the sunshine, feel the grass on your feet. Toss a ball. Color a book. Play with the kids for an hour. The most important thing is just to DETACH from your stressors and don't feel guilty for giving yourself that thirty minutes, one hour, whatever it may be and just play. 
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  • Make Your Passion Your Work
    This one is not one that can just be done in a day. For me, it took many years to take this huge leap of faith and dive into writing full time and trusting God on His path for me. But we all have to start somewhere if we want to do work that we love. That we are passionate about, and that we feel will serve Him and others well. Start small. Take an hour in the evenings to think about what you truly want to do. Pray about it. Meditate on your purpose. Or just do it as a hobby for now.
  • Love
    I love this one. I use to get angry when people throughout my day would be rude or negative. Now I just have the urge to hug them. But if we love more, it will release more endorphins that promote a sense of well-being and inner-peace. Deep breathe if you feel your patience growing short, and just remember to have the word LOVE at the forefront of your mind always. Be kind. Reach out. Serve. Help. Loving others has been proven to make you feel better. That's a win/win. 
  • Socialize
    This is a big one for me and it's one of my 2015 Intentions. I've talked about this before, and how I use to carry so much guilt if my time wasn't spent solely working, striving, learning. I've learned that our relationships, family, love, friends... that's what makes our lives truly rich. I'm not telling you to drop responsibility and hang out with your friends all day. But keep your social interactions a priority and schedule time with those you love just like any other meeting in your life. 
  • Eat Clean
    This one is SO IMPORTANT. If I haven't stressed it enough before :) Food is our fuel. If you are putting in processed, chemical-laden, sugar filled empty caloric food, you of course won't perform to any level of potential you could be. Feed your body the food it wants and needs to perform at it's optimal level so that all of your feel good happiness hormones can work their magic. It's been proven that eating a whole, healthy lifestyle, free of gluten, dairy, sugar, grains and your particular inflammatory offenders can lift brain fog, eliminate anxiety and depression, and give us increased energy. 
  • Happy Up Your Space
    My office is pink. When Mr. Charming built me my home office, complete with chandelier and swagged tulle curtains, I knew I wanted it ultra-feminine to inspire my fashion writing and blog. It's my one space in the house that's purely mine so I made it a feminine, inspiration oasis. The walls are adorned with motivational quotes, scripture and pictures of those I love. And I always keep it organized and clean so I can work most efficiently. 
  • Get Moving
    I will admit, exercise falls to the end of this list for me. Writing in an office 10 hours a day and then taking care of our home and preparing 21 meals a week, I get tired and I don't workout like I should from time to time. But ANYTHING helps. Take a short walk to get fresh air, pop into evening yoga, stretch in the mornings, run with your kids after school, or get in a couple solid weight lifting or cardio sessions in the week. Or, when you play (see above), make it active play. Sports, swimming or running with your fur babies.
  • Be Still
    As important it is to move, it's equally important to be still. Taking time in your morning, or evening, or optimally both to have quiet time. For me that looks like; in the morning, before I head into my office, I spend a few moments with my fur babies, Princeton and Charlie, we cuddle, we get some fresh air outside, I make a smoothie or cook breakfast and then read my devotionals and pray at the breakfast table. Then I am ready to start my day. At night, I do deep breathing exercises and meditate with a scripture track or do yoga. It clears my mind of the day and gets my body moving after sitting for so long. 
  • Smile
    Simply smile. The physical action of smiling send signals to your brain that you are happy. There are times when I'm having a not so great day, or I'm stuck in traffic, or the dog ate my shoe. Sometimes I will literally stop, connect to my thoughts, look upward and just smile.  
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Nosh & Nurture was born of this journey I am on to better the health of myself, my family and those around me.  What started as a simple compilation of recipes has grown to a all-around lifestyle journal with ways to incorporate organic products into your home, pantry and beauty cabinet.  I also include stories on pregnancy, new motherhood, travel, Proverbs 31 marriage, and spiritual health, as I am a Christian who couldn't do any of this without my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. For more of my story you can click here. 

All recipes are gluten-free and dairy-free with a lot of soy-free, grain-free, sugar-free options. 

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