my restless soul
There is so. much. inside. of. me.
I spent many magical nights singing my heart out. Literally using all of my breath to exude pure musical talent. Singing to crowds as little as one, as large as thousands. I miss it sometimes.
I've written songs that are complete crap.
Yet, I have written songs that could be number one hits. And have charted in the U.S and overseas.
I've written stories that have gone straight to the garbage. And stories have been published in international glossy magazines. Electric chemistry has flowed between my producers and I that we couldn't explain. Almost otherwordly in its ease, the process,perfectly, beautiful, flawless. Lyrics strung together with catchy melodies over beats that came as natural as the beat of ones own heart. I feel like that isn't something that I can look back on as "something I did in my youth". It flowed out me as if it's what I was born to do. Who I was born to be.
Its all fleeting though, isn't it? Those moments of electric intensity. Does that mean it wasn't worth it? Absolutely not. It's sculpted who I am. Who I'll forever be.
But as we grow, can it all be that simple? The deep, gut-wrenching, heart breaking love of the art. What about responsibility and earthly life. How does one do it all. How do you fight for it when you've exhausted all of your resources to do so. I'm a phone call away if you have the answer to this. How have you kept your dream alive? And when you stop and look around, is what you're doing what you always wanted? Deep in your soul? Why? Why not?
That's the question isn't it. The hard, unimagineable question that you don't dare to think about when you're young and free. When the road stretched out before you runs as far as your imaginations eye can see. Then as you grow and tumble over rocks, climb steep mountains, swim treachourous streams, fighting for the dream you've hungered for since you were just a child, you reach a clearing a long, long way down the road. And it gets foggy. The air grows thick, and the jungle you need to push through to stay on the path, thicker still.
You find yourself at one of lifes inevitable crossroads. And maybe you sit here, for a long while. Days, weeks, tragically even wasting years. You shift your eyes to the right. The dream and the heat of the fire still rages on. Or, to your left, you see the safer choice and the warmth of security in this nice little place you've created for yourself, right here in the clearing. So what do you do? Both have lovely possibilities. One seems so much easier, while the other is a chase. A race that your legs are tired of running. But the blood, sweat and tears of training for that race made you feel so...
Isn't that what we're here to do? Love fiercely, help each other, and ultimately live?
God given talent. God guided passions. Listen for His voice, run towards it and never let go, never look back.
If only it was so simple.
Maybe it is. Maybe I'm missing it.
Or maybe I've missed it. Or maybe it wasn't meant to be gotten. Or maybe I've had it all along.
Either way, it's a beautiful journey this life.
The powerlessness in not having the answers is what grows us. Its what fuels the creativity. Its what keeps Him in control. The songs, the stories, the passion. Let us always be grateful for that.
So, whatever your dream, hold on tight to it when it makes you feel alive, let it go if it no longer does. It may not look as though you imagined it, dreamed it. Doesn't mean it still isn't worth living, dreaming, molding...
Pray continually for direction in where to use the talents. The Creator of all created this in me, and I'm eager to see where He allows me to go with each aspect of what truly connects me to me and me to Him. I just have to remember to practice patience.
For patience is a virtue, and quite possibly one of the hardest to master.