As Thanksgiving approaches (tomorrow! How did that happen so quickly?) and we deck our halls with Christmas garb (three weeks ago, who am I kidding I am a Christmas nut.) we get a chance to reflect on the previous year. Set new intentions, throw out what didn't work, embrace what did and start anew. 

A rebirth of possibility, wonder and hope. 

This space, my blog, my baby, has been quiet on and off this year and as I look back I can see where I took pause in many areas of my life this year. Personally and professionally, to evaluate and dig in to what feeds my heart for God, family and purpose. 

Instead of keeping up with the hustle and the "busy" of it all, I wrote content slowly, took sponsorships from time to time when things were tight and aligned with brands I believed in and used social media for more connection than promotion. 

The main threads that weaved through what I want to carry through to 2019 are as follows:

• Simplicity and servitude in our new home.
• Intentional, QUALITY time with my husband and our son. 
• Releasing fear over situations where God is in control (so, all.)
• Traveling more, showing Grey more of our country and documenting it all.
• Writing about what's on my HEART more than what should be on an "influencers" agenda. 
• Keeping Moving. IE: workout, meal prep, write, etc. even when I'm __________. (tired, hormonal, frustrated, stuck, etc.)
• Realize my passion and gifts for entertainment didn't end in a previous "era" of my life, and I can call on God to show me where he wants my talents used for His glory. 

Since it's been a while, I also wanted to give an update on where I've been and where I am currently in this fluid, ever-changing, beautiful journey we call life. Read on if you will, and if you do, I hope that you leave a comment with how you've grown/changed/stayed the same this year. 

One thing that leaving Facebook, pausing with blog life and diving into Instagram showed me, is that making friends with my readers/followers more than using this as a stage with a spotlight is where it's at.

Connection.

That's where the good stuff is. The God stuff. 

Me + God: Challenging myself to read more of the bible itself, but have surrounded myself with more Godly women. Starting each day with devotions, podcasts and Christian music have helped keep me centered in a Christ-focused marriage, motherhood and daily life in the stay-at-home/work-at-home mom life. 

Marriage + Motherhood: Honestly, parenthood is hard on a marriage you guys. Even for a couple who are the best friends, attached at the hip, obsessed with spending all time together type. We've had to navigate the sea of parenting decisions, limited alone time and exhaustion just like anyone else. Thanking the Lord that he's still my balance and my rock, because post-partum hormones messed me UP, ya'll. Motherhood is beautiful, funny, SO love filled, hard, sweet, frustrating, growing, life affirming work. I prefer the toddler stage to babyhood and am trying to wrap my head around number two. God's working on me and I feel He has a bit of work to do, but He's a great big God who can do far more than I can comprehend so I'm not stressing.  

What I'm Reading: So many things. This season of motherhood (the toddler years) affords me more reading time (or the outlook that I actual want to now due to less sleep deprivation), either way I'm loving devouring the written word again. I have a constant rotation of 5-7 books at a time and the list is too extensive to put in this post, but I am working on a short and sweet follow up post that will list all my favorite, and not so favorite, reads from the past year. 

Health + Caring For God's Temple: With still breastfeeding and my CRAZY rollercoaster of hormones, my mental health has felt strained. I honestly have put on a few pounds, and I am setting my sites on eating clean and green MORE for energy, even moods, hormone improvement and health than I am for shifting the number on the scale.  If the numbers improve, then I'll happy dance in smaller yoga pants. 

Career: Saved this one for last, because goodness gracious, I've been taking some serious time this year looking into where I really want to  devote my limited time I take away from raising our boy and caring for our home. As a woman who loves to contribute to the family and work on my passions outside of motherhood, (Proverbs 31 is a huge focus of our home life) I knew I wanted to embrace some aspects of my versatile backgrounds. I just knew I could no longer juggle them ALL. After much prayer, thought and family discussions I have decided that for now I will hang  my  hat on nutrition. While I still love recipe creation and guiding people towards better eating, I plan to keep it simply to this space. Moving back into entertainment, I accepted a spot on the business side of film and music and am working slowly on my first screenplay for Amazon. My husband and I are launching our own small shop, and that for now is keeping me plenty busy. 


I would love to know where you are all at on your journeys, leave your story below and how I can pray for you. I'd love to connect with you all - follow me at Instagram.com/NoshandNurture, leave mea DM and I'll connect back! 

Those before me always said, that once I became an adult, and especially when I became a mother, that time would fly by. 

At lightening speed. 

And there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it. 

And as I spent part of the the day looking at photos and "Timehops" from 2004, days and nights that seem like just yesterday, I get a gnawing in the pit of my stomach. That 14 years FLEW BY. Just like that. And now that I'm a mother, I'll blink, and my 1 year old will be 15. And I have to catch my breath as these thoughts swirl in my tired little brain. 

Every year since 2015, as I prayed for it, God has put a word on my heart. A word of the year if you will.  "Diligence" became a focus that first year in which he'd like me to work all areas of my life. I took it to heart and was diligent in not only studying the word to become closer with Him, but I also finished a degree in nutrition and stayed the course in trying to get pregnant. As unfun as finals and invasive infertility tests were. He blessed and delivered. His promises are so good. Always. 

​For 2016 he placed "abundance" on my heart. And He delivered. Not only were we blessed with the greatest blessing of all, our son Grey, after years of infertility, but we also received amazing job opportunities, traveled with our sweet darling newborn to beautiful places and made new friendships. The year, as exhausting it was with a new little boy, was definitely abundantly blessed.  ​

I feel like it marked such a significant year in our life. Sometimes its hard for me to grasp all the beauty that was wrapped up in this one year of our life, because to be honest, for so much of it I felt like we were simply surviving. Learning how to be parents. Learning how to be a married couple with a baby. Learning how to function on minimal sleep. All of it, just learning my new role as a mother, wife, daughter of the King. And as the days, even looking back on them, blur together into one hazey picture, I know this year is one i'll treasure at the top. 

2017 the word "Community" came through clear as day and I set about seeking friendships that I could pour myself into, while at the same time finding fellow women and moms who could in turn fill my cup as well. 

Mr. Charming and I did well at keeping up with our friendships, dinner hosting and party planning. We made relationships outside of our little family bubble a priority last year and it really paid off in so many amazing ways. Just building the tribe we call ours and we're excited to see the relationships continue to flourish in the future. 

2018 arrived and I was excited for the focus area God would ask me to look towards. In all honesty I was hoping for something really exciting. Something that meant I would be getting back to me more. Something that meant my home business would take off, or that we'd travel to tropical locales. A grandiose word that brought about images of excitement, thrill, or again, abundance. 

Falling asleep the night of the 2nd of January, I heard Him softly whisper.

"Acceptance."

Hm? Come again?

"Acceptance." This felt so mundane. And I actually fought against it. Surely that wasn't meant to be my word for this year. And as ironic as it was, I didn't want to "accept" it.

But as I sat with it for a couple of days, I saw so many ways in which this was a jumping off point to be a growing year for me. And He was right. Just as He always is. There have been heart issues I've been fighting against for some time. Situations, relationships, and just my role in life at the moment, that I need to accept. That I've tried to change, that are not my place to change, or that cannot be changed. They simply need to be accepted, and no one can do that but me. 

Whole-hearted, giving-it-to-God acceptance. And when I think about the heartwork and surrendering that this will take me this year, grandiose seems fitting after all.

Do you pray for a word each year? Do you set a word for yourself? I'd love for you to share and I'd love to keep the conversation going on how it's going for you, (and in truth for me too.) Connect with me on Instagram at @NoshandNurture and we can chat about it. 

There was a day in the not so distant past that tried to overwhelm us. As a household. Which means, I feel, that the enemy was trying to break down our walls and shake our faith. 

The baby wasn't sleeping well during the challenges that presented themselves, so I was teetering on an emotion-driven cliff of exhaustion. The body shop/insurance company from an accident we were in on vacation totaled our car and we needed to buy a new car and have a car payment all over again when we worked so hard to reduce our debt to try to buy/build a house.

​Speaking of the house, the city denied our permits and we can no longer build the home on the land we've been planning towards since before our baby was born.

So, like I said, there was a day, in the not so distant past that tried to overwhelm us. 

I learned through prayers and tears that we need to trust God's no's, and trust God knows our future and His plans for us better than we do. As hard of a pill as it is to swallow, we weren't meant to build that small family homestead with the big tree, pool and garden. It wasn't meant to be our place as much as we could picture ourselves raising our tribe there. 

We need to lean in to God and let Him continue to lead and show us where He sees us and trust that whatever that looks like is better than our best vision.

My love for Christian film began many years ago, when I was asked to play a role in one with a local director. Working in mainstream entertainment for so many years, I felt like entertainment and faith had to live separately for so long.

Then I found Christian music and Christian films that rivaled the cinematography, production and casting of its secular counterparts and I was moved and excited to be able to be uplifted by the word in a new way. It was also a way for me to share my Christian lifestyle and love of God with my friends outside of church. And while living in the Bible and attending church is still first and foremost, watching these inspiring, God-filled stories come to life on the big screen is a great option for entertainment that gives God the glory.

The way that we should live every area of our life. 

​Enter to win AN AUTOGRAPHED POSTER OF THE FILM or A COPY OF THE BOOK. 

Comment on this blog post for your official entry and mark on the Rafflecopter widget below to let me know you have so that it can choose 2 random winners on 3/9.

For a better chance to win, additional entries can be obtained by visiting the "The Shack" post on my Instagram (www.Instagram.com/NoshandNurture) and following the rules to enter. 

No purchase necessary. Must be 18 and a resident of the US. 
​

Official Site:                                        www.TheShack.Movie
​Facebook:                                             www.facebook.com/TheShackMovie
Instagram:                                           www.Instagram.com/TheShackMovie 
Twitter:                                                 www.Twitter.com/TheShackMovie
Hashtag:                                               #TheShack

There are times in your life where you pray hard. Really hard. Because you know He listens. And it's beautiful and safe and reassuring. 

Tonight I sit in our baby's finished nursery and its one of those nights where I'm praying with everything that's in me.

Our plan is to successfully achieve a natural birth, if it is in His will, and as our due date rapidly approaches I recognize that it is only with God's strength, peace and presence will I accomplish this task that seems so mountainous. I will admit it, I'm scared. My humanness, with all its flaws, taunts me with thoughts of weakness, inability and defeat. But God is bigger. And as a child of God, I know I can do this through Him and His abilities, not my own. 

As I called out to Him tonight, I prayed for guidance on how to prepare for this task. As I keep reading everywhere that I "must be prepared". As it is a task unknown to any new mother, how do I properly prepare for the pain? How do I properly prepare my mind, which has been held prisoner to anxiety so many times in my life, for the task to continue on when it's hard? How do I properly prepare for the unknowns? 

And then a sweet answer just washes over me, Jesus.

That's the only answer I have. I've read every book I could get my hands on. Talked to friends and family on successful births. Mr. Charming and I attended birth classes. We've hired a doula. We've packed our hospital bags. We've watched birth videos. I've drank my tea. I've gobbled down my dates. I've done pelvic tilts and chiropractic adjustments. I've gotten prenatal massages and practiced breathing and meditation. 

But, Jesus. He's the One who can give peace. Strength. Clarity. Renewal. And I must rely on that and that above all else when I'm feeling my weakest. Because no matter what worldly tasks I busy my hands and mind with, nothing other than Jesus can surpass all understanding with His grace and mercy upon the birth of our miracle.

The beauty of it all is this, if there's a situation, any situation in your life that haunts you, taunts you, scares you or asks you to struggle, call on Him. He will always show up. He may be a silent bystander in the corner if He is waiting out the right time to show Himself in the situation, or He may be a sweeping warm blanket of peace and contentment (as He was during our miscarriage) - but no matter, call on Him and He will be there. In His way, on His time. There's nothing in this world more precious than that. 

Not even a brand new babe, no matter how he or she gets here.

If you have a prayer request leave it below! I'd appreciate your prayers surrounding our birth and the welcoming of Baby P. God bless!

Always been a goal-oriented, dream board, planning type of gal it's always fun to see what other dreamers and doers want to accomplish. Now I know life has plans for us and maybe throwing out tons of lofty goals isn't always realistic, but I believe when we listen to God's guidance for our journey, it can be good to set goals and focus on things that bring His kingdom attention, bring our moments here a little joy and help us set our passions on fire. 

I saw another blogger do a list for her 31st year and I thought it was a neat idea, as I'm about to become a mama and my life and schedule are going to become foreign to anything I've known before, to make one for this year since I just celebrated my 33rd birthday this week. 

I'd love to hear your lists too! If you have one, feel free to share some of what you are looking forward to doing this year and we can cheer each other on! Now on to my list! 

1. Be the best parents we can be
   This is the big one. Being first timers to our baby due in just over a month - I pray that I will look to God daily and His guidance for raising our little one. This includes extending grace to ourselves when we feel inadequate or lost. 
2. Read one book a month.
   I used to read. All. The. Time. I devoured literature which is what gave me my fire and passion for journalism and the written word. I work so much now that I don't read much more than what I need to to learn the next skill in my field. I would like to read some books for pleasure. 
3. Connect with my girlfriends at least twice a month.
   ​I know having a baby will alter my schedule. At least drastically in the beginning, and I was much better this past year than the last few years. But I want my girls to always know how special they are to me and I want to make time to really connect with them. 
4. Invest more time in my appearance & learn one new makeup/hair technique a month
   Working from home, its SO easy to work in yoga pants and a tank 24/7 with my hair up. And becoming a new mom, I'm sure that will be the status quo for a while when I add in no sleep. But I really want to expand my beauty know-how and get back to taking care of me a bit more and feeling good about my hair and makeup. 
5. Visit Harry Potter World
   I really want to take the babes and Mr. Charming to see the new Harry Potter World in CA at the end of the year! We are big amusement park people and want to incorporate travel in our littles life from an early age. 
6. Read More of the Bible with Mr. Charming
   Its such a beautiful bonding experience to pray and get into the Word together. When we aren't active in a Bible study, we are really bad at getting into the Word together and I miss it.
7. Experience Our First Christmas With The Baby and Begin New Traditions
   This. This is just one of those things you dream about your whole life. And thanks to Pinterest, we have our top traditions picked out. 
8. Write Our First Cookbook
   I'm not putting many of my "Business Goals" here, because I have a pretty lengthy buisness plan set aside. But this one is also personal, because its a project I want to do with my sister and father. 
9. Introduce Baby P to Church
   Our family have been the ones who serve in the infant nursery at our church for 20+ years so I feel really good about bringing our baby to church from the very beginning. I've loved our church for its children's ministry for years and always dreamed of the day where we'd be a family attending together. 
10. Master a Gluten Free Bread
    Pretty simple. I'm still using waffles as sandwich bread because no bread has been worth the time it takes in the taste department. 
11. Redecorate Our Bathroom 
    Our downstairs bath needs a remodel and I have my heart set on a Farmhouse revamp that shouldn't cost to much and will modernize it greatly. I'm excited to start this after the nursery is completed. 
12. Get Through Most Of Step 2 On The Dave Ramsey Plan
    We are still trying to finish Step One, but paying off debt is a huge priority for us right now. We love his philosophy and want to be able to give back more and owe less. 
13. Start On Our Home Build Plans
    Mr. Charming and I are hoping to build a small home on family land and I would love to start, or at least save for, the project this year. 
14. Try New Foods
    For years I was very, very restrictive. This past year I have added a few things back in I havn't had in five years - cucumbers, pineapple, a little corn (GMO-free and organic only). I want to try a few more items and maybe try to enjoy a glass of champagne or wine every once and while once I'm past breastfeeding, as I havn't had a sip of alcohol in over five years. 
15. Make (At Least) Three New Recipes A Month
    When I first started the food and Nosh and Nurture journey I was experimenting and knocking out recipes consistently. Now down with my meal planning and go-to foods, I'm not creating as much as I'd like to be and I want to keep inventing new things for YOU guys and my clients, as well as my family.
    
    Speaking of... have you tried my new Chicken Apple & Asparagus Pasta with Onion Cream Sauce yet?

​

​16. Travel in an RV
My husband loved his experiences RV traveling and camping growing up and I've never done that, so I think it'd be a fun new family tradition to try. 

17. Try Growing Something Organic
As someone who spends much of her paycheck on organic food, I'd love to learn to grow a small garden that we can enjoy year round. So far we only grow our own green onion, which is a start, and is GREAT in omelettes. 

18. Workout A LOT More Often Than I Do 
Yoga & walking are two things I want to become daily, normal habits for me. Working full time and now becoming a mom, I know I have to REALLY prioritize this, not only for me, but for my family. As staying in shape is vital to our health. 

19. Conquer A Fear.
It's all about growth. 

20. See The New Movie 'Secret Life of Pets'
Because this is so how I picture our dogs behaving when we are away. I swear they are little humans in dog form sometimes. 

21. Watch The New Gilmore Girls Mini Series
Could I BE anymore excited for this? I don't think so. Who's with me? Cuz we can totally throw a viewing party. haha 

22. Go Camping With The Hubs and Little 
Mr. Charming is at peace and is blissed out when we camp. It's how he connects with God, which I think is so beautiful. And I know this pregnancy has been hard on both of our wanderlusting desires. So once the baby is old enough to be left with family or to camp with us in his or her pack and play, it's to the forest we go! 

23. Take The Dogs On An Adventure
I think spending quality time with your fur babies and allowing them unique life experiences is important to their quality of life just like it is with ours. We took our lab to a cabin for the weekend to play in the snow and I think it was one of the most awesome moments of his life. I'd love to take him back in warmer weather and I'd love to take Charlie to the beach. 

24. Get Back To My Pre-Baby Weight
I have confidence that a Paleo diet, breastfeeding and light exercise will accomplish this, and I'm not putting any specific time limit on myself. But it is a goal for the year. 

​25. Spend More Time On The Coast
The ocean is such a calming place for me. I want to see California more this year after the baby arrives.
​

26. Get Family Passports
I can't believe it's been ten years since I got mine and its actually expiring this year. I want to get Mr. Charming and Baby P theirs as well so we can travel internationally as a family. 

27. Improve My Beauty Routine
I was blessed with pretty even skin that doesn't need me to fuss with it much. But as I get older I do see changes and such and I want to have a weekly regiment I do to keep up with it and take care of it to keep it healthy. 

28. Clean Out My Emails.
Again. And. Never. Ending. But this always makes me feel lighter. 

29. Get A New External Hard Drive
For all those baby photos, of course. 

30. Be More Intentional With Random Acts Of Kindness.
Paying for someones meal, groceries, etc. I want to be more conscious of those who may need a pick-me-up in their day. 

31. Continue To Pray For and Uplift My Husband Daily 
Being intentional in doing so is the best thing I can do for our household. 

32. Be The Maid Of Honor In My Sisters Wedding
She is still planning her dates, but if this happens before next June, then I can cross this off! It's been a dream of mine my whole life, as she was mine. 

33. Attend Three Conferences
Always learning and growing. I have one scheduled for November, but I'd love to choose two others in the new year. 
​

​​I've never written to you before. All the things I've wanted to say. 

Maybe it's because, if I did, I'd be saying you were real. And I guess, in a way you are a part of my reality. But in so many more ways you're a lie. A lie I sometimes can't help but tell myself. 

So many times have I prayed, cried, begged, pleaded for you to simply taken away from me. But I've grown and I now see where I went wrong. You weren't supposed to be neatly removed from how I'm wired. 

As a woman, as a Christian woman, I've become wiser through His word and I know now, you were meant to be part of this journey. As ugly as you are. Because it's in those dark places, those messy, inconvenient places where our lessons, stories and purpose is birthed.  And although I'm learning the role you play in my life, tonight, I just have a few things to say. 

​Even though I've learned that you are not me, you are simply part of my journey, I get angry. I'm angry when you steal precious moments. I'm angry when there is laughter in spaces where immovable walls feel like they're closing in on me. I'm angry when there's meant to be laughter in moments where I feel I can't catch my breath.

And it's you, this lie, this tool of the enemy that is stealing those moments. Moments I can't get back.  What my journey as a Christian has taught me, the most beautiful thing of all, is that I have a powerful God. A God who heals. Who grants peace beyond our understanding. Who will stand firm when we speak the name of Jesus. And I've seen healing. I can say that now. It took me many years to turn to Him, instead of turning inward. Instead of retreating under the covers. To the backseat. To a glass of wine. To a dark quiet corner. Now I look upward. As hard as it is sometimes to unclench. To open my arms. To dry my eyes. I look upward, I give my heart, my mind, my breath to the One who can grant me strength. Perseverance. Healing. Love. The most beautiful things. For these most beautiful things can erase the darkest things.  

This may take you by surprise, because He truly does move mountains we can't fathom budging. It happened to me anyways. Some moments where I expect to feel scared, I now feel strong. Moments where I expect to feel pressure, I feel happiness. A lightness, a joy in moments that are meant to be celebrated, not tolerated. 

So I say to you today, anxiety, I know you want to make me weary. Tired. You want me to second guess every single event. Every single step forward. I know you've won many times before. You had a power over me that made me miss out on so much. And I will not stand here today and say that I am strong enough to move past it. To be cured by my own will or any earthly remedy. Because I'm not. None of us are. But He is. He is our rescuer. Our savior. Our great, protective Father. Who loves us, who truly, deeply, unconditionally cares for us. And that, that love, that strength, that salvation...  

Anxiety has no chance against that beautiful truth. 

May we all remember this truth, in every situation. When our knees wobble or when our palms sweat. When our heart races or when our breath catches. May we remember that we aren't strong enough to conquer all, but we can rest in the loving arms of our Father who is. 

For all you brothers and sisters who struggle with anxiety. I understand and I'm praying love and blessings over your situation. 

I adore Saturdays.  If you could snuggle a day of the week & make it good food & buy it pretty things, it would be Saturday that I would richly spoil.  For me & Mr. Charming, Saturday is a day to celebrate time off together, to play with our fur babies, to relax, enjoy our home, get out and have date days. We do our meal prepping, church, bible study and grocery shopping on Sundays, so Saturday is really our day to rejuvenate and relax.

Today has been jam-packed and fun. I awoke to Mr. Charming serving up gluten-free blueberry waffles and organic eggs and then we headed to the new gym that opened and got signed up.  We have a home gym, but I know he was missing some of the machines, and I honestly do so much better in a group class environment then trying to get in five workouts a week on my own. Once that was done, we headed to a prepper festival (where I won a "The Club" for my car, haha, and then we went shopping at Mr. Charming's favorite camp store. After a busy morning of running around I wanted to take a break in our day and relax for a bit. Enter my new hobby. 

I know the whole world is talking about Adult Coloring, and it's for a great reason. I mean, guys, we get to COLOR and call it "me time". As an adult, with responsibilities, life, bills and all that fun stuff, being able to take time away from all of that and color makes the five year old inside me SUPER happy. That and gluten-free macarons. I mean. How CUTE are they? Such a fun treat. 

Art Therapy is a publication that inspires creativity, relaxation and positivity. All wins in my book on how we need to view life. Over a half-century ago, a doctor by the name of Carl Jung started prescribing Art Therapy to his patients to promote health and found that coloring ranks as high as meditation when it comes to relaxing our minds and bodies. 

Subscribing to Art Therapy's magazine service also allows me to receive new pages every week so I always have something fresh and new to work on in my down time. For more information visit The Art Therapy Collection - for just $4.95 you can receive the first two issues, as it is now available in the U.S. as of October 2015. I prefer this over the big books, due to their affordability & portability when I travel. 

Have you tried Adult Coloring for relaxation? I would love to see your works! Follow me on Instagram || @noshandnurture || & tag me in your coloring pages! 

Hope you're all having a blessed and relaxing Saturday - we are off the see the New Peanuts Movie this afternoon! Hoping its cute... 

Often when our schedules are SO crazy busy (even when it's filled with things that are crazy good) we don't take time to sit, reflect and be thankful for everything going on around us. So I thought it was time to sit still for a moment and catch up with a Tickle Me Tuesday. For those of you new to the blog, welcome!. Tickle Me Tuesday is my way of keeping a gratitude journal of the things I'm thankful for in my week. I invite everyone to join along on Twitter or Instagram and tag #TickleMeTuesday on Tuesdays with your five favorite things at the moment. 

1 // Mr. Charming and I are both starting new jobs this week. Which is super exciting! He continues to move up in the dental world (so proud of my Dr. to be!) and I am working with a board of tourism as well as landing a new position at a new magazine. I continue to grow my blog/brand, but missed working in fashion. So praying & seeing where God takes it all. 
2 // It's FALL!!!! There really isn't any further need to elaborate. But. Good weather, fall baking, travel, family. Love love love. 
3 // Gilmore Girls is releasing 4 NEW mini-movies. Hoping to see the Luke & Lorelai story play out better and get the ending we always wanted for the show. It's even cooler now that I got to spend a day in Stars Hollow this Spring.  
4 // These pancakes. 
5 // Reflecting on all the amazing travel we've been doing and staying at this hotel was just amazing. 

Would love to hear your favorite moments from the week! Share below or tag #TickleMeTuesday on social media!

As God was the one who led me to all of this, my journey, my health, this blog, I shouldn't be surprised when he whispers topics and post ideas to my heart. The gritty ones. The ones that swim in my soul, that are hard to write, and make me type through blurry eyes as tears threaten to stream down my cheek. 

I've seen amazing doors open for this brand & blog - blessings that I know come from my Father in Heaven. My true provider and guide and I want to honor Him and stay true to the gifts He's given me by giving all the glory to Him through any success that may come our way. 

There is a song I've fallen in love with, O.K. there are many songs I'm in love with, it's in my DNA, but there is one in particular as of late called "My Story" by Big Daddy Weave. Every time this song plays I hear that whisper deep inside, nudging me to keep telling mine. As my audience grew, I got scared. Scared to be too vulnerable. Share too much. But Jesus urges us to lay it out there. So, as uncomfortable as it may be, we must own our stories. 

2011. Feels so far away yet feels like just yesterday. I had dabbled with LiveJournal journals for many years, pouring all of me out onto the screen. And maybe 10 people read it. But that's not what mattered. It was my therapy, an outpouring of emotional baggage that bound me up and the release felt liberating. When I started feeling sick and depressed and in pain in 2011, I started writing again, to deal with it. I lost many friends in that space of time in my life. I couldn't tell them what was going on. I was ashamed. I was terrified of being terrified in my own body. Writing is where I felt safe. What began as a blog titled "Me and Mr. Charming" was a journal of me trying to deal with the fear, the frustration and the uncertainty of my many new diagnoses. A mix of incorrect, "incurable" and new. 

After taking myself off gluten and dairy after reading many books on things I was dealing with I started to see healing and as I began to write and spend more time in the kitchen this little space began to morph into a food blog. At the time still unaware of what a "blog" even was. I was a writer, and this was my space. Sharing recipes and support for those who were as scared as I was in a vast internet world. That's what felt natural. 

This song hits home because where I really began to find healing, soul-deep, true healing was in hope. God's great hope. As anxiety took hold of me so many nights I fell to my knees and I just prayed. I knew I couldn't do anything for me anymore, alone, without my Lord and Savior. I had been baptized shortly after feeling this way and I knew He was my only chance. He was what could save me, heal me and give me a future and purpose from all I was going through. 

So many times I prayed to be "normal". I prayed for God to take away my anxiety. My fears. My immune issues that made me catch EVERYTHING I was around. The pain in my pelvis & bladder. The hopelessness that I wouldn't be able to be the wife I wanted to be. The future mom I longed to be. That I still long to be. 

I felt He was quiet for so long, until He wasn't. He held me in His arms. He walked with me when I'd go on slow, relaxing walks to clear my mind. He was with me in the fitness room as I obediently worked through my pelvic exercises. He was with me when I was scared to eat my meals and lost 15 pounds I didn't really have to lose. He was with me when I sobbed long, hard sobs in church as I felt Him begin to cleanse me. Body, mind, soul. He was there. Loving me. Loving on me when I felt like I was losing my worthiness to those in my life. His love NEVER gives up. And had I not clung to Him, I would be so lost. His love allowed me not to give up. To pray, to find strength in what was going on. To never stop looking for answers. To never stop listening to His still small voice. And to be obedient to the ways in which He could heal me. 

As the blog started to grow, old passions fell away. And my passion and love for health through what God has given us began to grow with a rapid fire I hadn't felt in years. Maybe ever. Going back to school and pouring my heart into this was so clear and doors have opened that can only be explained by a loving God blessing a child. I want to live authentically in this space. I want this blog/brand to stand for what this journey has truly meant for me. For me, for my life, for my marriage. I want to love on those who are scared. Scared of food, scared of disease, scared of pain and just hug them, speak life and Jesus into them and let them know they have a friend, a sister in Christ. 

I want His message to speak volumes from here. If it doesn't then I haven't done my job as a servant to the One who has given me an abundant life and a beautiful purpose. Is it always easy? No. Is it a painless journey? Nothing worth it ever is. But through the storms is it joyful, and fulfilling, beautiful and wonderful? Absolutely. Because I know from whom it comes. And even more beautiful? This gift is available to ANYONE who asks to receive it. It's that simple. No matter what you're carrying. No matter what you've done, there is cleansing in His name. You only need to speak it. 

If you are struggling with food restrictions, with anxiety or with illnesses that are still being researched, know that God is holding you. Take a deep breath and fall into His arms. And though I don't hold a candle to our Father, I'm always here to be a friend, a listener, a sister in Christ to make the road a little less lonely.