So, if you're familiar with the concept of being a Proverbs 31 woman/wife/mother, or have read my other posts in this series, you know I've set goals for being the best version of me that I can be, for God and for my husband and future children. I did a spotlight on faith a while back, and today, I want to talk a little about marriage.
Marriage – A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)
I know this may sound odd, but from the time I was young I knew I wanted to be a great wife. Every little girl dreams about being a bride, and having a wedding, and of course, I did too (I mean I am the girliest of the girlie girls) but I also knew I wanted to be a great wife. Not simply a wife, but one that would love her husband with all that she is. And that's how I love Mr. Charming. I love him with all that I am, and this Proverbs 31 piece makes my heart glow. I love love. I love seeing couples who truly respect one another. A lot of people in our lives comment on our relationship, and it's humbling.
So much of society today loves drama. People love to hear people talk down about others, friends, family members, and spouses and I just think that is so toxic to marriages. One thing I always do is talk about Mr. Charming in positive, love-affirming ways. Though he makes it easy, I think that even in times of struggle, couples should continue to talk up the positives of the person they vowed to love no matter what.
I have put together a list of things that Mr. Charming and I do that speaks to being in a Christian, God-filled, Proverbs 31 marriage.
1. We are each others priority. God is always #1, and Mr. Charming is always before anything else, and I his. Before work, before friends, before hobbies, he is at the top of the list. This doesn't mean we don't work hard, have social lives, time alone with friends, or hobbies of our own, it just means that our marriage comes first and we wouldn't let those things come in the way, or threaten, our marriage.
2. We are best friends. Mr. Charming and I are so alike, it's been an easy match from the beginning. I'm not saying opposites can't attract one another, and that people who are different can't be as close, but for us, it's our similar life goals, hobbies and loves in life that make the adventure that much better.
3. Genuinely care about the other person, in all circumstances. Mr. Charming and I have been together 8 years and I still want to know how his day was. It's not just empty words. When he comes home from work, I've missed him, and I stop what I'm doing to greet him romantically, whether it be a kiss, or a hug, or dinner, and I ask him how his day was. He's my favorite person to tell all my stories to, big or small, and I always want to be that person for him.
4. Communication. This one is crucial. Mr. Charming and I make it a must that we talk about anything we are going through. I will be completely honest and say this one is a tough one for me. I grew up hating confrontation, (I still don't really care for it, haha) I've suffered from anxiety growing up (although God is helping me through this!) and I've struggled with fear of rejection, so broaching hard topics, or asking for things that may not go my way, has been hard. Mr. Charming is wonderfully patient, and knows sometimes it takes me a while to speak, though I try my hardest. The important part is we eventually ALWAYS talk through things big and small. This keeps things from festering and becoming big problems or causing an unnecessary fight, when it could have been something so simple.
5. Be honest, always. Mr. Charming knows me better than I think I even know myself sometimes. Which makes #4 a little easier, haha, but he is still not a mind reader. I think a lot of spouses expect the other to be a mind-reader in certain situations, which again can lead to messy, unnecessary arguments. And even though there isn't much he doesn't know about me, if there is ever a question or topic that comes up, I will always tell him the truth. This also covers the part of the verse that speaks on trustworthiness. My heart and eyes are focused on my husband, always. I took my vows very seriously that day and will strive everyday to hold myself accountable for those.
6. Remember what made you fall in love. This one is a big topic of conversation with my girlfriends regularly. Some think its odd that Mr. Charming and I still act like we're dating sometimes. Some think its cute. Some I think it bothers, but "courting" my husband is something that I believe is vitally important to keeping a marriage fun. We have been together for 8 years, married for 3, and we still make time for date nights, for big vacations, and for nights away. I still cook him special meals. He still brings me flowers randomly. It's these little things that show that we don't take each other for granted. That we will still go out of our way to say "I'm thinking about you" or "I love you." If he or she the most important person in your life, why would you stop acting as such?
7. Be helpful. Last but not least, touching on the verse, "she is a helpmeet." In today's culture women are working just as hard as men. Up until recently I was working two full time jobs, and Mr. Charming works a demanding full time position in the medical field and goes to school. Though, I wholeheartedly adore my role as "wife", (see #1), and love making our house a home for him. Yes, I've had a couple little breakdowns working out how to balance and juggle all of that, but at the end of the day I hope that I have been helpful to him in making his home life happy, relaxing and enjoyable after a long day of work.
Just remember to always keep God at the center, put love first, and stay respectful and honest while being yourself. If you have those key elements at the center, everything else will fall into place! Many blessings for a happy marriage! Feel free to share your marriage tips or date night ideas in the comments!
And check out my other posts in the Proverbs 31 Spotlight Series: